


Helpless

by LunaVitaeSuae



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Actual relationships to come, Alex and John are def gay for each other, Attempted Sexual Assault, Because of Reasons, Just a thing I'm working on, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Reader-Insert, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Uhm, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-10 14:02:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7847905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaVitaeSuae/pseuds/LunaVitaeSuae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew that needing help on a stats problem would set your whole life in a tailspin?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something helpful that I've found for reader-insert fics, if you have Google Chrome, you can download an extension that puts your name in whenever it sees a (Y/N). It comes in handy if you want the story to flow a little better and actually imagine yourself in there. It's called InteractiveFics.

You stared down at your textbook, completely lost. You were not mathematically gifted in the least, but you shouldn’t have been so completely out of your depth. Everything was just beyond you. You had worked the same stats problem five times and somehow gotten five different answers. It seemed impossible. Turning to the guy next to you, you tapped on his shoulder, interrupting him as he quietly packed his stuff up to leave.

“You’re John, right?”

“John Laurens, yes. And you're (Y/N), right?” You nodded. “What’s up?”

“Do you get number 13? I’ve got no idea what I’m doing wrong here.” John slid your paper across the desk and looked at it.

“Well, this is just interesting. Five answers and none of them are right.” He patted you on the back as your face fell. “Don’t worry, I did this over the weekend and I had the exact same troubles. I can’t explain it really well, but I do have a friend who is, like, a certified genius with this stuff. He can definitely help you out.” You were both packed up and walking out of class at this point, you were following slightly behind John while you talked.

“Oh gotcha. Do you know where I can find this genius?”

“I’m actually on the way to meet him right now. We have a small study group going. You’re more than welcome to tag along. The guys won’t mind a bit. We meet up at that small little coffee shop right behind the English building.”

“Well, if you’re sure it’s okay, then I guess I can come along. At least there’s coffee involved right?”

“Of course! If there wasn’t coffee involved, there’s no way we could keep Alex on good behavior. And since you’re coming, all of them will be on best behavior. Alex might not even go on a rant about Thomas Jefferson today. Which would be nice. I don’t know how many more ways he can come up with to describe how much he dislikes that guy. And- sorry, I’m rambling.”

By this time, you were at the door to the coffee shop and you split up at the door, telling John you were getting a coffee before joining the group. While waiting in line, you shot a quick text to your boyfriend, letting him know you were out with a study group before you turned off your phone and slid it into your bag.

John raised a hand toward his friends. Alex, Hercules and Lafayette raised their hands in reply.

“Who’s your lady friend, John?” Hercules asked, laughing when Alex’s head shot up from where he was buried in his laptop screen and looked around. John just snickered as he slid into the last empty chair at the table and pulled up a fifth chair.

“That’s (Y/N). She’s in my stats class. She’s actually here to get your help, Herc. Y’all just behave, okay?”

“And you never told us of such a beauty in your class? I’m sure I might have tried to sign up for Statistics in that case,” Lafayette laughed.

“Too bad you have Adrienne already, right?” Hercules poked him in the side. “And Laurens here has Alex, which just leaves me.”

“If she’s even interested in you, Herc,” Alex said, as he re-immersed himself in his paper again, typing furiously.

“And why wouldn’t she be? I mean, have you SEEN me?”

“I think she’s a definite lesbian. My gaydar is going waaaay off.”

“Bisexual actually.” Hercules choked on his coffee as you suddenly appeared at the table, coffee in hand. “And I’m actually already seeing someone, not that any of that is relevant. How about we just forget about all that?”

“Forgotten,” John said as he patted you on the back. Then he pointed to each person to introduce them to you. “(Y/N), this is Alex Hamilton, Hercules Mulligan, and Gilbert du Motier, but we just call him Lafayette, or Laf.”

You nodded as you slid into the empty seat that John had pulled up for you and pulled out your stats binder.

“I hope you guys don’t mind John inviting me to study with y’all,” you said, looking around at the group. “I was promised a stats genius.”

Hercules grinned and nodded. “That would be me.”

“No, Herc, I definitely told her that the coffeepot was the genius here. You’re just here for your looks.”

“Oh, so you HAVE seen how I look. Good, I was starting to think I’d lost all of my manly charm.”

Alex piped up, “No, that happened when we found out that you knit.” Hercules flipped him off, but Alex never noticed. His eyes were still glued to his screen.

“Aaaaanyways,” Lafayette said, before the bickering could continue. “It’s definitely not a problem for you to join us. We have such a wide variety of classes between all of us, that there is always someone who can help out when one of us has a problem. We can basically do anything and everything as a group. I’m majoring in American History. Alex is Poli Sci and Econ double major. John is in Biology, I believe and Hercules is… Well, honestly I’m not sure anymore. He used to be English, then Theater, I think there was a time when he was Education as well. Mon ami, what are you studying now?” He looked at Hercules questioningly.

“Undecided, but I’m leaning toward Psych and Social Work.”

“Wow,” you spoke up. “That is quite the variety.”

“What are you majoring in, (Y/N)?” John asked.

“Right now, I’m Music Education, but I’m not one hundred percent settled on that. My boyfriend has been telling me to do something more practical, like law or business.”

“You do whatever makes you happy, (Y/N),” Hercules said with a slight frown.

You shrugged. “I’m mainly here to get OUT of here. And even though I’m not completely decided on a major, I’ve still got time to figure out what I want to do.”

Lafayette interrupted again, with a question for John about his biology class. He nudged Hercules and they switched seats, making it easier for everyone to get the help they needed. Hercules scooched closer to you and pulled your binder to him. He opened it up and looked at the paper on top, the one you had been working on at the end of your class earlier. He looked over the page full of scribbled answers and laughed.

“You have so many answers. And none of them are even close! This must be black magic or something.”

You scrunched your face at him and he laughed some more. He had a really nice laugh, you noted.

“But it’s actually really simple to explain and fix…” One thing led to another and you found yourself not only understanding but actually enjoying statistics. Like, what the hell? THIS must have been the black magic Herc had accused you of.

You had several coffees as the night went on, not even keeping track of the time. You could have kept going all night, just from all the fun you were having, if not from the extreme caffeine high you were reaching, if Alex hadn’t slammed his laptop shut with a snarl.

“Alex? Problem?” John asked, looking up from the history book he had been studying.

“This damn online discussion. How can that motherfuckstick not understand how ignorant he is? I just can’t comprehend how far his head must be up his own ass to not understand things so damn simple.”

“Mother… Fuck… Stick?” You asked, not understanding.

“He means Jefferson,” Lafayette supplied, not looking up from his own thick textbook. John just looked at you with an ‘I told you so’ face.

“Wait. What time is it?” You asked, quickly pulling your phone out of your bag and powering it up.

“Almost 11 PM,” Hercules said, looking at his wristwatch. You jumped up and started putting your things in your bag.

“Shit. Fuck. I have to go. Shit. I shouldn’t have stayed out so late. Fuck.”

“What’s wrong? Gonna turn into a pumpkin soon?” Hercules joked, not understanding how panicked you were getting.

“No, but I still have to go,” You picked up you phone, slowly loading the Verizon screen. “Fuck, come on. Turn on already.” You shoved the rest of your things in your bag, not caring about how the papers crumpled.

“John, I’ll see you in class. Thanks for letting me study with you guys. Bye!” You rushed out as your phone finally finished booting up and a multitude of missed calls and messages flooded your screen.

*8 missed calls*

*Message from*

*TLove: No, come home love 5:00 PM  
I can help you study <3 5:01 PM  
Where are you…? 6:08 PM  
Dammit (Y/N), where the fuck are you? 8:14 PM  
Fine. Don’t fucking come home at all. 10:26 PM

 

You stared at your phone, unaware that you had stopped moving and had dropped your bag. What? What was happening right now?

“(Y/N)?” A hand landed gently on your arm and you jumped. You looked up and John was staring at you in concern. He had picked up your bag in one hand and was holding your stats book in the other. “You left your book in there. Are- Are you okay?”

You nodded mutely.

“You don’t look fine, if you don’t mind me saying… Do you want to come back and sit for a bit? The guys are a little worried about you.” He motioned to the side and you realized that you were standing in front of the coffee shop window. Looking inside, you saw the three other guys turned toward you, concern etched on their faces as well as they stared. 

You felt like you had walked miles. But no. You had barely made it a few feet. Your (E/C) eyes filled with tears and you knew the concern for you wasn’t deserved. Or the pity. Or whatever it was. Your chest tightened and you couldn’t breathe. You felt like the world was spinning faster than it had any right to do. Cold overtook you as ringing filled your ears. You couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t you breathe? 

The last thing you knew, you felt weightless and John’s alarmed face filled your vision before everything went mercifully dark and quiet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your panic attack, the guys take care of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of stress, a lotta bit of angst, and a ton of the beginning of a beautiful friendship <3

When you were alert again, you stayed still. It wasn’t your first panic attack and it wouldn’t be your last. You understood this fact and begrudgingly accepted it. You started taking stock of yourself. Head: pounding and still a little fuzzy; mouth: dry; your body: exhausted but comfortable, laying on something soft. What? Where were you? Your eyes shot open and you sat up quickly. Too quickly. Your head spun and you put your hand over your eyes, praying to whatever forces were in the world that you wouldn’t throw up.

“(Y/N)! You’re back!” Faces filled your vision as you slowly lowered your hands to your lap. You looked around. You were in a small room on a disgustingly orange couch. John, Hercules, Lafayette and Alex were scattered around the room. 

“Where…?” You started to say, stopping to clear your throat and then just looking at the guys with a confused expression.

“You’re in Alex’s apartment right now. He got lucky and scored a room above the coffee shop,” John told you, reaching over to give you a warm mug. You accepted it graciously and took a sip. Tea. It ran down your throat soothingly and you started to feel warmer inside.

“(Y/N), what happened?” Hercules asked you. “You just… dropped. I’m really surprised you didn’t crack your head open.”

You thought for a moment and then shrugged, unwilling to tell the entire truth. You didn’t know these people well enough. “Bad news from home.”

“Are you okay, mon ami? Is there anything we can do to assist you?” Lafayette asked gently.

You shook your head no. “Do you know where my phone is?” 

“Here you go. You dropped it outside,” Alex said, grabbing your phone off a nearby table.

Once it was in your hand, you looked it over, grimacing at the very large crack that ran diagonally across the entire screen. You turned it on and noted that you didn’t have any new messages. It was almost midnight. Why hadn’t he messaged you again? Should you call? Was he worried about you? Maybe you should call.

“Is there somewhere I can make a call?” You asked Alex. He pointed to the window.

“There’s a fire escape out there. It’s pretty quiet and private.”

You walked over and peered out into the dark. As long as you were cautious, you should be okay. It wasn’t the best place, but it would do. You hauled the window up and then hopped on the ledge.

“If I’m not back in 10, I probably jumped,” you said as cheerfully as you could. But when you saw the very unlaughing looks you got in return, you added, “But I don’t plan on jumping. I’m okay. Promise.”

You climbed out and took a small step, getting your balance. Before sitting down with your back to the wall, you closed the window halfway.

You hit your number one speed dial button and waited. One ring. Two rings. Three. Four. Five. After eight rings, it clicked but there was only silence.

“Hey, it’s me.”

More silence. 

“I’m sorry I missed your calls and texts earlier. This stats class is kicking my ass and I didn’t want to bother you with my problems. I hate being a burden to you, especially when you’re so busy.”

“Why are you calling me?” His voice, usually warm, was ice cold.

“T-to apologize. Please, let me come home? I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“What about your new little friends?”

“They aren’t even friends. It was a person from class and some other people. That’s it. They offered to help me with-“

“With what? Statistics? I don’t know if I really believe that.” He snorted.

“What else would I be doing?” You asked, confused.

“Whoring around, what else? That class is so easy, there’s no way anyone could ever have trouble with it.”

Your eyes filled with tears. You didn’t even get the chance to reply before he hung up on you. You stared at your phone for a minute before deciding to text him.

 

(Y/N): What? 

Tlove<3: Don’t fucking come home tonight. You heard me. If you want to go off and be a slut, fine, but don’t play with me like this. I love you too much for you to put me through this. How am I supposed to feel when you go out all night and ignore me? It’s too much.

(Y/N): I’m sorry. Let me come back and I will make it up to you. I’ll never do this again. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I promise you’re the only one. Now and always. <3

Tlove<3: I can’t tonight. I just can’t. And I still don’t even know who you’re with. How am I supposed to trust you?

(Y/N): I’m with this guy from my stats class. John Laurens. And he’s with his friends. Hercules, Alex, and Lafayette.

Tlove<3: Why the fuck would you be with them? That’s why I can’t trust you. They are bad people. They will get you hurt. And since you aren’t coming home, I can’t protect you from them

(Y/N): Then what am I going to do? You don’t want me to stay and you won’t let me come back to you?

Tlove<3 You should have thought about that beforehand, shouldn’t you?

(Y/N): Love, please don’t be like this. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.  
Babe?  
I’m sorry. Let me come home.

 

You waited five more minutes before realizing you weren’t going to get a reply. You turned to slip back inside, and not realizing you were silently crying and snotting everywhere, you were really confused by the mixture of looks you were receiving from the guys.

“(Y/N), what’s going on,” John asked gently.

“N-nothing,” you hiccupped. 

“You know, (Y/N), we may have only just met today, but I’m just getting a feeling here, but you’re a terrible liar,” Alex said, poking you gently in the shoulder. That made you laugh a tiny bit before crying some more.

You put your hands up over your face for a minute to calm yourself down. When you finally managed to steady your nerves, you let them come down to your middle, where you wrapped them around you in a small hug. You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Is it o-okay if I use your bathroom?” You asked Alex, who nodded and then cocked his head in the direction of the room in question. When you left the room and closed the door behind you, the guys scooted together.

“I don’t like this.”

“Herc, none of us do,” Lafayette snapped.

“We need to figure out how to help her,” John said. 

“Let me talk to her.” Everyone’s heads swiveled to Alex in surprise. “Hey! I know I may be an obnoxious, arrogant, loudmouth bother, and may sometimes seem to have the emotional range of a rusty teaspoon, but I am very familiar with the dark abyss that belongs to the panic attack.”

They nodded in agreement and stood silently for a minute before you came back into the room.

You had found the cleanest washcloth in Alex’s bathroom and washed your face with cool water. That had helped leech some of the redness from around your eyes and nose.  
Hercules came up and put his arm around you, pulling you into a hug. “Are you feeling better?”

You nodded into his chest, feeling more at ease than you had all night. It was nice to find people who seemed to be in your corner, who seemed to really care about you. As if he was a mind reader, Alex spoke up.

“You’re our friend now, (Y/N). We’re here for you. Whatever you need. We’ll come running.” With that the other guys came over and added to Hercules’ hug, squishing you in the center in warmth and bodies.

“That also means: Whoever fucks with you, fucks with us,” John added. “You don’t have to tell us about it now, but when you’re ready, we’re ready.” Laf, Herc, and Alex nodded their agreement.

You started to tear up again and all four guys looked at each other. It was only after you gave them a timid smile that they began to relax.

“Thank you guys. After Thomas told me not to come home, I just-“ Your eyes widened and you clapped your hands over your stupid runaway mouth.

“What-“

“The-“

“Fuck?!”

“Thomas who?”

You stepped out of the center of the group and immediately tripped over your feet. You didn’t even have a chance to fall because four sets of arms darted out to catch you. They gently set you down on the couch a few steps behind you and then stood there, waiting. Some, Alex and Hercules namely, waited more impatiently than other, tapping their fingers on their crossed arms.

“Can you not stand over me please? I can’t think…”

John came down and sat on your left while Lafayette sat on your other side. Alex dragged a chair over and sat in front of John and Hercules just kneeled in front of you.

“Just let me talk okay?” Making eye contact with all of them, you waited until they had all agreed to your terms. When they all nodded, you ran your hand through your hair, trying to think. “I’ve been with Thomas Jefferson since my junior year of high school. My life was terrible and he was there for me, especially when I needed him the most. I love him.”

You had to stare Alex down as he tried to jump to his feet. John laid a hand on his knee and Alex backed down immediately. You waited another minute before continuing.

“We… got into an argument… And he doesn’t want me to come over tonight. I just overreacted. I do that sometimes. PMS or something. And I’m really tired and stressed from classes. It gets to me sometimes. I don’t know why it led to a panic attack. John, I think you just scared me.” You twisted your hands together nervously and tried to look like you were fine. You were trying so hard to keep yourself pulled together in front of these guys, your… friends. 

You didn’t understand why Thomas thought they were so terrible. You had heard him rant about Alex before, but you hadn’t pictured him as such a small compassionate person. You had imagined, well, basically a Neanderthal. That’s how Thomas had actually described him once or twice.

“Are you done?” Lafayette asked softly. You nodded and waited for a response.

“(Y/N), do you need a place to stay tonight?” Hercules asked.

“No, thank you. I have a friend I can crash with.” You didn’t, but they didn’t need to know that. You would figure that out later. There was too much going on right now to even think about that. 

The four guys gave you a look that said they weren’t sure whether to believe you or not. You didn’t want to be a burden to them. It wasn’t fair. They had only just met you. It wasn’t their job to take care of you.

You put on a brave face. “Hey, everything is okay, guys. Literally, the worst thing to happen tonight is my phone screen deciding to hate me, and cracking when it leapt to its attempted death earlier. A fight with Thomas? Bah. Once he’s not upset, he’ll probably offer to get it fixed, if I haven’t gotten it fixed already. So it’s not even THAT bad.”

“That reminds me!” Lafayette exclaimed, jumping up. “What kind of phone do you have?” You told him.

“I can fix that. I used to do repairs in high school as a sort of side job. I’ve had to fix a few here, as well.” He gave Alex a very pointed look.

“Hey! I’m sooo sorry that it’s always in my way. Or that I manage to knock it off of a lot of things. Or that sometimes I drop it out the window trying to take pictures.” Alex was very defensive. Lafayette hummed and swept around the room, collecting a few things before returning to your side.

“May I?” He asked, gesturing to your phone in your lap. You silently handed it over. Lafayette stepped away and planted himself at Alex’s desk.

You settled back in the couch and got comfortable. You weren’t sure how long it would take Laf to fix your screen. You were ready to bolt and figure out what your plan was for the night. Thomas would probably be sleeping until late, since he had been up all night arguing with you.

You tried to think of ways you could make it up to him, but you just weren’t sure. This had never happened before. You were always home on time and tended to not deviate from your set schedule. It was understandable why he had gotten so worried for you. He obviously loved you very much.

Your musing was interrupted by the shock of something large hitting your lap. When you came back to the present, you realized Alex had tossed a bright purple comforter on your legs. He was tucking it all around your body, fussing like a mother hen.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I figured I’d would just head out after my phone was finished. My friend-.”

“I don’t want to hear it, (Y/N). While you’re here, you’re going to be so damn comfy that you’ll never want to leave again,” he replied.

“This is how he gets you,” Hercules said. He had taken Lafayette’s spot on the couch and was also buried under a blue blanket. “He brings you over for the first time and takes so much care of you. It’s addicting. And strange. Coming from the person who forgets to eat and sleep 98% of the time.”

“You can’t fight it, (Y/N). So just let it happen.” You looked over at John and he was also under a bright yellow blanket. Alex laughed and nodded, before turning on the tv to some late night cooking show and crawling under John’s blanket. You guessed from the shuffling that Alex had climbed into John’s lap.

“Well, I guess if resistance is futile…” You burrowed under that blanket a little more and became truly comfortable. Now, you just needed to wait for Lafayette, the kind and generous soul, to finish fixing your screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda threw most of this together before work, so if there's any glaring errors, just let me know and I will get it fixed asap. 
> 
> I'm literally blown away by the responses I've gotten to this so far, so I wanna let you guys know I love y'all so very much. <3
> 
> If you want to hit me up on Tumblr, my main blog is @luna-vitae-suae and the blog I made for my very limited amount of writing is @exhibits-no-restraint
> 
> Aaaaalso. I thought that I had Chapter 3 already written, but writing Chapter 2 kinda effed that up, but that's not really a surprise. I might save Chapter 3 version 1 for another chapter, further down the road.


	3. Chapter 3

“So… How do you all know each other?” You hated breaking the silence of the room, but you were starting to get fidgety. All of them sat up straighter and looked at each other for a minute before John spoke up.

“Well, Alex and I knew each other growing up. He was my next door neighbor. We hated each other in kindergarten, I don’t remember why-.”

“You took my animal crackers and glued them to your art project!” The outrage in that one sentence was enough to make you start giggling.

“…Like I was saying, I’m not sure why we hate each other. I think it was because our dear Alexander put that sparkly glue stuff in my shoes during naptime.”

“Irrelevant!”

“Fast forward, we graduated from high school and we were already together by then, so we decided to go to college together. We figured this place was far enough away from home that we wouldn’t have to go back for every single holiday,” John finished.

“I was the RA on the floor their first year,” Laf continued the narrative from the other side of the room. “There were so many noise complaints about their room. It was hell.”

“It was mainly us having sex,” Alex said with a laugh.

“And it was mainly me reporting them,” Hercules grumbled. “Why I got picked to be their third person, I will never know.”

“Awh, Herc, you loooove us now.” Alex made kissy noises at him across the couch.

“Needless to say, I quit as an RA after that year. My nerves couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t think I’d make it through the entire year.” 

You snapped. You laughed and laughed and laughed. Side-splitting, open mouthed laughing. You couldn’t remember the last time you had laughed like this. The laughing continued until your sides were sore and all you could go was hiccup.

“If you think that’s funny, we should tell you about the time Herc thought we unraveled all of his yarn. I thought for sure he was going to cry,” John said, settling back and wrapping his arm around Alex again.

“Lies! Those were manly! Tears of raaaage! That reminds me… I never got the two of you back for that. Better watch your back, nerds. Maybe I’ll even get (Y/N) to help me in my revenge.” Herc sounded so severe, but the giant grin stretched across his face ruined his gruff façade.

“In Hercules’ defense, those two bought all of the scraps of yarn and knitted blankets from the three different Goodwill’s in town,” Lafayette said. Alex and John both burst out laughing, almost as hard as you had just laughed.

“There- there was so much yarn,” John huffed out when he could catch a breath.

“We piled it all up on his bed. The pile was bigger than Herc himself, and he’s humongous,” Alex gasped, tears starting to run down his face.

Herc grumbled under his breath as he stood up to find a drink. It sounded like ‘strangle you with it’ before he got of earshot.

They continued trading stories until Hercules returned a few minutes later and brought everyone a mug of hot chocolate. He handed them out and then pulled a water bottle out from under his arm and set in on the desk for Lafayette. Everyone thanked him and it quiet again as everyone sipped their drinks.

Your hot chocolate hit your tongue and exploded on your taste buds. It was… the best thing you had ever had to drink in your entire life, you were sure.

“Hercules, this is wonderful.” He smiles sheepishly and shrugged. “Seriously. I’ve never had hot chocolate like this. I can’t even boil water correctly. Oh my goodness.”

“What? How? You literally put water in a container and put it on the stove?” Alex said.

“Well… The last time I tried to boil water, I blew up a glass dish full of cooling fudge. I almost killed my dad. Mom was crying. Dogs were howling. Cats were screeching. It was loud,” you said.

“I really want, no, need, more details,” Hercules said, eyes wide. John and Alex nodded furiously.

“In reality, it’s a pretty boring story. The end result is the best part. I had had a really rough day and I was distracted when I went to put on a kettle for tea. I turned on the wrong burner,” you laughed. “I didn’t even think about which dial was for what and completely ignored the glass dish. My dad had just finished walking through the kitchen when the glass exploded. It was melted and embedded into the ceiling, the walls, the fridge, everything. Mom made me buy her a new dish.”

The guys looked at each other and then at you.

“I think you’re banned from all of our kitchens,” John murmured.

You gasped in fake horror and then laughed as Hercules launched a pillow across you at John.

“I think she’ll be okay in the kitchen. As long as she has very close supervision,” he said, snickering.

“Good grief,” you grumbled, pulling your blanket up higher on your chest and scrunching down in your seat. “You blow up a dish of fudge one time and then suddenly everyone thinks you’re an arsonist.” Everyone laughed again and Alex leaned over to pat your head.

“So, (Y/N),” Alex said, leaning back into John, “Tell us about yourself.” He grabbed the pillow Hercules had thrown at John and wrapped his arms around it.

You shrugged. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything, duh.”

“I think if I told you every single thing about me, you’d end up pretty bored,” you replied.

“Try us,” Herc said with a nudge of his shoulder.

“Well… Uhmm…,” you trailed off. Talking about yourself was the hardest thing for you to do. It always seemed so awkward. “I can’t. I’m not good at talking about myself.”

“Let’s see. You said you were a music ed major?” You nodded. “What’s your instrument?”

“Oh, I play euphonium. I played that since my second year of high school. And before that, I played trumpet from middle school, and before even that, I took piano lessons.”

“What’s a euphonium? I’ve never heard of it,” Hercules asked.

“It’s like a tiny tuba.” You sighed. “Nobody ever knows what a euphonium is.”

“Ohhh, okay. You should play for us sometime!” Alex said excitedly. Your eyes grew wide. This was the first time someone had ever told you that. 

“Uhmmmm…”

“No pressure though,” John said.

“Well, maybe if you guys really want to hear me, you could come to my next wind ensemble concert. It’s in like three weeks. I actually have a solo. It’s not much but, - “

“Oh, we’re definitely going,” Alex said. The others nodded.

“We wouldn’t miss it!” Lafayette exclaimed as he walked back across the room, your phone in hand. When he got to you, he handed it to you and you smiled widely when you saw the clean and unbroken screen.

“Ah, thank you so much, Lafayette!” He grinned at you and nodded.

“Mon ami, I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of putting our numbers into your contacts. I also added you to our group chat because I feel like you are a perfect fit in our group.”

Your face grew warm as a smile stretched across your face. You hadn’t felt this loved and cared for in, well, ages? Besides Thomas, of course. He took such good care about you that just thinking about it made you feel guilty for having so much fun without him. 

You turned your screen on and saw you didn’t have any new messages from him. You quickly swallowed your disappointment and pulled up your text app. You typed out a quick ‘Hi!’ and sent it to the four new numbers in your phone. Different notification sounds dinged, popped, and trilled from around the room.

“And now you guys have my number.”

“Yay!” Alex dived for his phone and the room was silent for a moment as you were added into their contact lists.

You scrolled through your phone for a minute, tongue poking out from the corner of your mouth as you concentrated. When you found what you were looking for, you turned your phone to the group.

“This is a euphonium. It’s gorgeous and marvelous and probably my favorite thing in the world.” The guys scrunched in around you and stared at your phone screen. The musician currently playing was one of your favorites. He was playing a four-part harmony for ‘Salvation is Created’.

“That’s beautiful,” Alex breathed. The others were quick to agree. Hercules stared, slightly open-mouth and John had a slight sheen to his eyes. Lafayette simply stared, entranced by the melody.

The song ended all too soon. Everyone sat quietly for a few moments.

“More!” Hercules cried, shifting into a more comfortable position. “That was absolutely amazing.” You nodded and opened the music app on your phone, scrolling until you found the right folder. You pressed play and pulled your legs up under you. Then you laid your phone speaker-up on your lap.

The music filled the air and you relaxed into it, feeling it around you and inside you, reaching down into your very soul. You made a small mental note to go to the music building and practice for a few hours tomorrow.

You didn’t realize it, but you were falling asleep. Your eyes closed and your head fell onto Hercules’ shoulder. You felt so at peace, surrounded by tranquil music and your new friends.

After the guys realized you had fallen asleep, they carefully got up, trying not to jostle you back awake. Hercules gently cupped your head and guided your body into a horizontal position on the couch and stretched your legs out over the cushion that John and Alex had just vacated. He took a minute to brush your (H/C) hair out of your face. Alex brought your blanket up to your chest and tucked it in around you. Lafayette took your phone and plugged it in. He sat it back down near your head so that the soft music would stay with you through the night. 

John ushered everyone into the other room and turned the light off. They all knew you had to be exhausted.

Completely unaware of the careful attention and concern for you and your well-being, you slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at exhibits-no-restraint for Hamiltrash/writing and luna-vitae-suae for more hamiltrash and general reblogging.
> 
> I didn't think I'd have this typed up and posted tonight, but I guess miracles do happen? I think I was goaded into it by my rude anon commenter earlier. But hey, whatever works, right?
> 
> I've got two days off from work this week, so hopefully I can get another chapter cranked out and posted by the end of the week. If not, I hope that since you've stuck around this long, you'll be willing to 'wait for it'.   
> (I'm sorry, I had to, please don't hate me.)
> 
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	4. Chapter 4

“Thomas?” You mumbled sleepily. You opened your eyes, and then remembered that you weren’t home, tucked into bed beside Thomas.

“No, not Thomas. Just Hercules. But I come bearing gifts… Maybe.” The rich scent of coffee had you sitting up, your blanket falling to your lap. Your hair had come down from its ponytail holder and you knew it was just fluffed around your face, but you didn’t care. Caffeine was calling your name. Calling, yelling, screaming for attention. 

You accepted the mug with a smile and brought it to your face, breathing in the hot heavenly aroma and hummed happily.

“A word of warning, Alex made that. So… be weary.”

You took a sip and choked slightly. “Is… that salt?”

“It’s supposed to toffee,” Alex said sadly, walking into the room with his own cup. You carefully set your cup down and stretched your legs out on the couch.

“How he works in a coffee shop and can’t make drinkable coffee is the biggest damn mystery in our lives.” John’s cheerful voice came from the fire escape.

“I mainly just do the books,” Alex shot back defensively.

You laughed and got to your feel and headed to the bathroom. When you finished your business and came back to the living room, Hercules and Alex had joined John on the fire escape and were talking quietly. 

You didn’t want to intrude, so you went back to the couch and picked up your phone. It was just after 10. You hadn’t slept in this late in ages. But considering it had been after 4 AM before you had even gone to sleep, you weren’t that surprised. You were used to late nights, between all the practicing you had to do and all of your coursework. 

You had a few messages blinking for your attention. One was from a girl in a few of your music classes. Maria Lewis. She had invited you to a party tonight. You were surprised. You two didn’t really have that much in common, besides classes. You barely even spoke to each other. You didn’t speak to many people, to be quite honest with yourself. 

You sent back a reply saying that you’d see what you had going on and get back to her. You didn’t think you’d go, you weren’t a big party-goer, but you couldn’t just be rude and ignore it. That was just… unthinkable.

You moved on to the next message. This one was from your high school best friend, Sally Hemings. She had messaged you wanting to know if she could come visit you this weekend. You sighed. Typed out a quick reply that’d you’d love for her to come visit, but you didn’t think this would be a good time. You briefly summed up everything as a generic couple fight and the fact that you weren’t even home right now.

You were surprised to receive a response almost immediately.

 

From Sally(: - Joke’s on you girlie. I’m already at your place. T let me crash last night. I was super worried about you not being here, but T said you stay out a lot of nights. Always practicing or studying. You’re too smart and talented for your own good, chickadee. Now come home and let’s pamper ourselves! Saw a wonderful little spa on my way into town. My treat xoxo 

 

You smiled down at your phone. Your friend was a veritable storm. Rushing in and out, sometimes a thing of beauty, and at other times, something to hide from. But the two of you had weathered the worst together and you loved her with all your heart. You sent her a message that you’d be home soon, after you got some practicing done, ignoring the pang in your chest when you briefly wondered if Thomas would even let you in the door.

You had just set down your phone when Hercules stuck his head in through the window.

“(Y/N)! Come join us!” You got up, headed to the window and leaned on the sill.

“I wish I could, boys, but I’ve got to get going. An old friend is in town and she wants to hang out. And I still need to swing by the music building for a little bit.”

“Is Jefferson even going to let you hang out with your friend?” Alex mumbled.

“Alex… Why wouldn’t he? He –“

“Don’t listen to him, (Y/N). He’s just jealous because Jefferson’s significant other is cuter than his.” John poked Hercules in the side and Herc retaliated with a light punch on his shoulder. You didn’t notice the look Hercules gave Alex.

“Well, even so, I should go.”

“We’ll walk you over to the music building, if you don’t mind,” John said, turning his body to get into the apartment. You stood back and shrugged as they all crawled back through. Alex shut the window and when he turned to walk away, John reached over and snapped the lock shut.

“He always forgets to lock it. One of these days, he’s going to come home and find out he got robbed. Everything will be gone,” John said, laughing in reply to the quizzical look you shot him.

“Even the couch and desk. Everything,” Alex said sarcastically. John just shrugged a shoulder.

When everyone was ready to go, you headed downstairs and into the actual coffee shop. You took a moment to buy REAL coffee and then headed outside.

It was early October and the weather was starting to get a bit nippy. You wished you had remembered to grab your jacket out of your car yesterday. But it wasn’t like you had known what was going to happen between you and Thomas. It had never happened before, so how could you?

You were walking down the sidewalk with the three guys when you realized someone was missing.

“Where’s Lafayette?” You asked the group.

“Oh, he headed back to his apartment to shower and change. Something about a Skype date with Adrienne,” John answered.

“Adrienne?”

“Oh, Adrienne is his girlfriend. But she’s back in France. They met when they were both foreign exchange students and she did a year here before she got really homesick. They are apparently from neighboring cities, and they just clicked.” Hercules said.

“Love at first sight,” Alex said dreamily.

“Awhhh, is Alex a romantic?” You said teasingly. He nodded.

“The romantic-est.”

“It’s cute on occasion, but sometimes… Sometimes you just want to smother him with a pillow,” Hercules said as he nudged you. “It’s really hard to reconcile that Alex is just as lovey-dovey as he is a pain in the ass about politics and debates and such.”

“Shhh, Alex, you’re adorable no matter what you do.” John pulled Alex into his arms and they continued walking like that.

After a little bit, you stepped off the sidewalk to the grass and kicked up the dried autumnal leaves in your path. You adored the crunch and snaps that followed your movements. You had completely tuned everything out, not on purpose of course, but you mind just went there on its own, like minds can do sometimes. So when you got to the corner and hit the curb, you were completely shocked when your foot connected with the sidewalk and you pitched forward.

You didn’t even fall that far before strong hands gripped your shoulders, saving you from smashing your face into the sidewalk.

You looked up with wide (E/C) eyes and saw that Hercules had grabbed you just in time. 

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” John asked, coming up on Hercules side, followed by Alex. Hercules slowly guided you upright and only let you go when he was positive you weren’t going to fall over again.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said. “I just zoned out a little bit. I just fell into the crunching leaves and then literally almost fell.”

“That would have sucked for you to die on the sidewalk right when we get to the music building,” Alex joked, pointing out that you had indeed reached your destination. 

You flushed, realizing that you had ignored them for the entire walk across campus. You looked at the three with an apology in your eyes. Hercules just patted your shoulder as you walked to the door. You swiped your ID card and held the door open for everyone when the lock clicked.

You walked up the stairs to the second floor and down the hallway to the locker room. You still found it slightly weird that there was a locker room in the music building. But it made sense. Music majors practically lived here. And it was a good place to securely store smaller instruments and textbooks. 

Unlocking your own locker, you reached in and pulled out a think black folder, stuffed with paper. You turned to the guys and figured you’d cut them loose. If you’d never been in the building before, it was slightly possible to get lost. Been there, done that. 

“Well, I’m going to head upstairs to the practice rooms. I’ll see you guys another time, right?” 

“Well, it’s too late to ditch us now. We’re bonded through the tragedy of Alex’s coffee.” John used his fingers to air quote the word coffee. Alex scrunched his face up and stuck his tongue out at him. Everyone laughed and you reached out to hug them.

“Thank you for last night. I’m sorry you had to deal with that though. But thank you,” you said quietly.

“Seriously, (Y/N), you don’t have to apologize. We’re friends now, that’s what we do.”

You ducked your head and nodded. You exchanged goodbyes again and promises to hang out again. After that, you walked down the hallway and up another flight of stairs. 

When you got to your favorite practice room, you set your stuff down before heading to another practice room that had been converted into a storage room for larger instruments. You pulled your euphonium case out of the corner and lugged it down to the first room.

You set up your music and instrument and began warming up. 

 

The three men stood at the end of the hall and listened to your practice. After you finished your warm up, you moved onto a piece you were working up for one of your ensembles.  
Hercules stared down the hall, eyes unfocused, as he listened to you working a line a few times, trying to work the kinks out of the music.

“She plays beautifully,” he murmured to John and Alex, who nodded in agreement.

Alex nudged John gently and nodded towards Hercules, who had gone still when (Y/N) had started playing. John’s eyes widened when he caught on to what Alex had seen.

“You like her, don’t you?”

Hercules started. “She has a boyfriend, John. It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t. It wouldn’t change anything.” With that, he cocked his head at the stairwell door and they made their way down and out of the building.

 

You continued playing, losing yourself in the music, blissfully unaware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I was, at some point, a music major? I spent 3/4s of my college time as one.
> 
> I'm pleasantly surprised to have gotten this typed up and ready to post so quickly. I've got a pretty good idea of what the next two chapter are going to be like, but we'll see if I can stick to a loose plan or not.
> 
> Anywhooooo, thanks for reading. Comments are always appreciated. As are ideas and headcanons and thoughts, questions, concerns, et cetera.
> 
> You can reach me at exhibits-no-restraint on Tumblr if you're that desperate. 
> 
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets a little bit messy. I couldn't bring myself to write the entire scene, so I clipped it as best I could to still get the point across.
> 
> Warning: If you can't/won't read about sexual assault, turn back now. I barely wanted to write/read it.

The last note of your Telemann sonata played out into the quiet room and you set your instrument in your lap. You were happy with the work you had done working up the piece so you decided to end on a good note. You emptied your spit valve and started packing up.

Once you had put everything away and dropped your music back off at your locker, you pulled out your phone to send Sally a quick message that you were finished practicing and about to be on your way home.

Your mind was still in that deep subspace that you got into after practicing, full of deep music. Colors and music notes swirled through your head, completely distracting you, enough so that you didn’t even see the person you ran into, face smacking right into their broad chest.

“(Y/N).”

You looked up, shocked. Your eyes widened as you took in the person in front of you. Wide chest and shoulders. Dark, shoulder length curls that perfectly framed a gorgeous complexioned face. Dark brown eyes. You stiffened up, realizing who it was.

“Thomas!” Your bag dropped as you threw your arms around him. You nestled your head into his neck and relaxed even more when his arms came up around you in return. You stood like that for a few moments, breathing in his scent, a complex apple and mint smell that was surprisingly nice.

His hands stroked your back and you reveled in the feeling. After last night, you didn’t think this would happen again. And once you remembered that thought, you pulled away, eyes wide as you looked at him.

“Thomas, I’m so sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you and, -“ He stopped you with a gentle kiss.

“(Y/N), my love, my darlin’. Hush. I’m not upset anymore. I forgive you.” Your head fell forward onto his chest and you breathed a sigh of relief.

“I just can’t stand it when you’re angry at me. I’ll be better, I promise. I promise,” you mumbled into his shirt. His hands came up and brushed your hair back. 

“How did you know I was here?” You asked curiously, peeking up at him.

“Sally told me you were going to practice. And I know you practice for about 3 hours when you’re really getting into it. I also know that you’re almost as in love with your new piece as you are with me. So of course you’d be really into this practice session.”

You blushed a little bit and buried your face back into his chest.

You stood there for a few minutes, basking in his presence until one of his hands came up and cupped your chin, raising your face to his, where he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. You sank into the kiss and allowed him to deepen it. Your hands snaked up and wrapped around his neck, threading your fingers into his surprisingly soft curls.

“I missed you, darlin’. I wish you could have come home last night,” he said quietly against your lips. You started to pull away to protest, but his hands grabbed your face and pulled you back to him, not painfully, but enough for it to penetrate your happy little bubble.

“I thought about you. And what we could have been doing, if you had only been with me. But you weren’t. And I was so lonely. I don’t like to be lonely.” He slowly backed you into the room and against the row of lockers.

“Thomas, what are you doing?” You whispered as his grip started to become legitimately painful. You looked at his face and saw that his eyes were distant, looking through you as if you weren’t even here. He kicked the door closed behind him and pushed you farther back into the room.

“I missed you. I’m trying to show you. I need to show you. You can’t just abandon me like that. It’s not good for me. I need you.” His hands started roaming under your shirt and you instinctively arched against him.

“Thomas, no, we can’t- “He cut you off by crashing his face into yours and kissing you until your head started to spin. Thomas pushed his tongue into your mouth and began to explore it as if he’d never kissed you before. You were still in shock at his behavior, and that gave him all the freedom he wanted.

“(Y/N), we can and we will,” Thomas replied when he released your mouth. You stared at him in confusion, not quite understanding, not quite knowing, what he had in mind. You were in a public place. On campus. Where anyone could walk in at any time.

Your mind went blank as he shoved his hand into the front of your sweatpants and started rubbing you. You let out a low moan as he circled your clit. Thomas inched his finger around the crotch of your underwear and teased you with only the one finger. Against your will, you felt yourself grow warm at your core. Wetness seeped onto his hand and into your underwear.

“Thomas, no. I don’t want to do this. Not here. Not like this.”

“(Y/N), you should have thought about that before you decided that you’d rather go out with all those guys and leave me by myself. We could have had so much fun, just me and you. You don’t need them. You just need me. Because I love you.” Thomas pushed once and his finger slid inside you. You straightened up and pushed at his chest, very ineffectively. 

He pulled his hand out and you thought that it was over. But then Thomas reached for his own pants and started to undo his fly and zipper. While that hand was busy, his other was wrapped around your upper arm, bruisingly tight. When he had accomplished that, his hand came back to your pants and started to pull it down by the elastic waistband. 

Suddenly, the door swung open behind Thomas and you looked over his shoulder to see another student start to walk in. You pushed away from Thomas, blushing madly. He hurriedly zipped himself back in, turned around and walked out the door.

The other student, a girl you vaguely remembered from one of your music classes, Eliza maybe? held her flute case in one hand and a folder in the other.

“Are… Are you okay?” She asked. You nodded, unable to speak at the moment. “Did he try to hurt you?”

You shook your head and then cleared your throat, trying to find your voice. “That’s my boyfriend. We… We got carried away. Sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

The other girl stared hard at you, looking like she didn’t know whether to believe you or not. She turned and set her instrument and folder on a small bench inside the door.

“You’re (Y/N), right?” You nodded again. “I’m Eliza Schuyler.” You were glad you knew her, at least a tiny bit, so that you didn’t look clueless. 

“I- I have to go. I’ll see you in class on Monday.” You started to walk past her, but she gently reached a hand out to touch your elbow, and damnit, you just had to flinch and pull away. You struggled to meet her eyes. When you finally did, you looked away almost immediately. Eliza’s eyes were filled with a mixture of indignation and pity. 

“If you ever need someone to talk to, (Y/N), I am here for you. I know we’re not really friends, but I would like to change that.” Eliza’s hand went to her shoulder and she began to twirl a lock of her dark brown hair around her fingers, seeming almost nervous.

You nodded again, still avoiding eye contact and rushed down the hallway to the bathroom. You pushed the door to get in and locked it behind you, sliding to the floor in in a daze. You noticed, almost as if you weren’t even in your own body to feel it, that you were shaking like a leaf. You put your head on your knees and tried to slow your breathing. You didn’t think you could take yet another panic attack so soon after your last one.

Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. 

Your phone started to buzz in your pocket and when you finally managed to stop shaking and pull it out, there was a new message waiting for you from Thomas.

 

Tlove<3: We’ll finish this when you get home. Don’t be gone too long. I love you darlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking through to the end of this chapter. I'm sorry for putting you guys through that.
> 
> I'm also really sorry if the story seems really drawn out, like a chapter for every hour, but this is the way my mind jumps around. I've got a very loose timeline in my mind, but we all know what they say about the best-laid plans, right?
> 
> I stayed up super late to get this written out, so it may be very obvious that I'm a bit exhausted. Work is kicking my butt. So it should go without saying that if you find any errors or issues, let me know and I'll get it fixed ASAP. And I have the entire weekend off for once, so I'll see about posting a new chapter then.
> 
> Also, if you're interested in the music mentioned, Google Telemann sonata in F minor. There are videos for bassoon, euphonium, trombone, and so on. But I especially love the bassoon. I can't play the bassoon to save my life, but it sounds wonderful. 
> 
> You can find me at exhibits-no-restraint on tumblr if you have questions, comments, or concerns. I'm almost always around if you want to chat or something.
> 
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	6. Chapter 6

You came home from campus, full of trepidation at what would be waiting for you. You were used to Thomas’ moods, but what had happened in the music building was pretty much the worst you had ever seen. And to you, that wasn’t even as bad as it could have been. You’d heard stories of girls who had it worse than you. Therefore, it wasn’t bad. It was never bad. You had nothing to worry about, you told yourself. You weren’t like those other girls, stuck in abusive relationships. If things ever got that bad with Thomas, you’d leave, it was that simple.

When you had gotten home, Thomas has waltzed into the room and helped you out of your jacket, kissing you lightly on your temple. You relaxed a bit as Sally came in and told you that she’d have to do a rain check on the spa. Her mother had just called and she needed to get home. She didn’t say exactly why, but you knew she’d tell you whenever she was ready. You kept your rising anxiety locked behind a concern for your friend and hugged her as she left.

It seemed that you wouldn’t have anything to worry about. Thomas made you some tea and wrapped you in a thick blanket on the couch. Then he put on the tv and wrapped his arms around you. It was nice. You shifted so that you were half in his lap and leaned back against his chest, all the better to watch the television and get maximum cuddles. Thomas pet your hair soothingly and you could have fallen asleep if you weren’t caught up in the spy show that was playing. 

You felt at ease and comfortable. Earlier with Thomas must have just been a fluke. You were together, had been for a few years, of course he’d want to be intimate with you. It’s nothing you hadn’t done in the past. You had no idea why you had ever thought that your relationship was abusive. Thomas wasn’t. Sure sometimes, he got mad, but who didn’t?

He had been there for you at the worst parts of your life. He loved you. Wanted what was best for you. He always had. And you loved him. You didn’t know what you would have done without him. Couldn’t imagine your life without him.

You sat curled up for a while before your phone went off. Groaning and slowly unwrapping yourself from Thomas and your blanket, you made your way across the room to where your phone sat in your bag. You pulled it out and turned on the screen. It showed a message from Maria, asking if you were still thinking about if you were going to be at her party. She was trying to get an accurate headcount. In all honesty, you had completely forgotten about it. You were almost tempted to tell her you couldn’t make it, just so that you wouldn’t spoil the good mood in your home. 

“(Y/N)? You okay, darlin’?”

“Yeah,” you said, looking up from your phone. “Why?”

“You’re frowning pretty hard at your phone.”

"Oh, I was just trying to decide if I wanted to go to a party later. Maria, she’s from my Theory class, invited me.”

Thomas sat up and looked at you, face blank. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Do you want to go?”

“I’m not sure. We’ve never really hung out outside of classes, or even in classes, to be honest. I was surprised she even asked.”

“Who’s going to be there?” He asked casually, picking at his t-shirt.

“I’m not sure,” you replied again. “Probably other music majors? I doubt any of them really know how to party, though. We’re all just a bunch of nerds.” He laughed and stood up, coming to wrap you in his arms again. 

“If you want to go, then go. Just let me know if you’re going to crash at her place or not. Or if you need a ride home.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be sure?” 

“Well,” you said hesitantly. You weren’t sure if this was the time to bring it up. The atmosphere was nice. Relaxed and happy. Almost as if last night had never happened. But you steeled your resolve. You did need to talk about it. “You weren’t too thrilled about me hanging out with John and them last night…”

Thomas stiffened behind you. “That… That is different. You’re my girlfriend. You shouldn’t be hanging out with other guys. Especially guys like that. I don’t think they’re the types of people you should be associating with.”

“But they were nice.” You turned around so that you could hug him. His arms tightened around you, locking you into place.

“(Y/N), no. You’re not hanging out with them anymore. I won’t allow it.”

Shocked, you pulled back, fighting the arms around you. Thomas looked at you with a steely glint in his dark eyes as he slowly released you.

“You… won’t… allow?” You couldn’t even get the entire sentence out. Your mind had just kind of blanked.

“Yes. Exactly. I will not allow you to hang out with them. I don’t like them and if you loved me at all and cared about my feelings, you’d stay away from them. I wouldn’t have to make a rule out of it.”

“Thomas, they’re friends. They helped me with my stats problem.” You ran your fingers through your (H/C) hair, anxiety spiking.

“I. Don’t. Care.” His voice tightened in anger. You shivered as his hands came up pull yours out of your hair. He hated when you fiddled with your hair. 

“What?”

“You heard me, (Y/N). Why won’t you just accept this? I love you. I want you to be happy. And I know you won’t be happy if you are friends with that trash. Half of them are only here on scholarship anyways.” 

That was a low blow. YOU were here on a scholarship. Thomas knew that. You wouldn’t be here if not for that.

Thomas rubbed his hand over his face, scratching at his facial hair. “(Y/N), you know I didn’t mean it like that. You know I think the world of you. I love you so much, babe. I don’t think less of you for being on scholarship.”

“It sure seems like you do.” Now it was his turn to stare at you in shock. His eyes widened and his hand paused at his chin. 

“No, I only think less of you for ignoring my wishes and being a selfish bitch.”

“E-excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re being a selfish bitch! I asked you not to hang out with that trash and you ignored me. It’s like you don’t even care about me. I thought you loved me?”

“Thomas… Thomas, I do love you. I love you more than anything in the world. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being selfish. I’ll be better, I promise. I can be better.” You stepped back to him and wrapped your arms around his middle. He brought his arms up and hugged your shoulders. You sunk into the hug and held on for dear life.

“I’m sorry, as well,” he mumbled into your hair after placing a kiss on it. “I’m sorry. I’m jealous. I just hate you spending time with that- those guys. Especially Hamilton. He’s the worst of all of them. I’m just so worried that he’ll do something to hurt you. And if he’s your friend then I can’t do anything to him without hurting you as well. And I could never do that to you.” 

You said nothing. There really was nothing you could say in return. It was touching, how much Thomas cared for you. You felt bad that you had even put him in this position to begin with. Maybe you were being selfish. Why did he even stay with you? He shouldn’t have to put up with this, with you. If he left you, you won’t even be surprised. It’s not like you really had anything to offer to him, to this relationship.

“Can you do me a favor?” Thomas murmured, interrupting the whirlwind of your thoughts. “Can you at least try to stay away from them? I would feel so much more at ease.”

“I’ll… I’ll try. I can’t promise anything, seeing as how I’m in a class with John.”

“That’s all I’m asking for. It’s nothing big. You never saw much of them before; I don’t see why it’d be any different now. Thank you darlin’. Thank you for doing this for me.”

You nodded against his chest. This was true. And you had really only spoken to John because he sat right next to you in class. Your mind started to wander, trying to remember if there were any other free seats in the class. If you didn’t sit by him, you wouldn’t be tempted to be friendly. You could avoid him and your, no, his other friends. Thomas would be happy. You would be happy. And you could return to normal. Not this mess of bundled nerves that you had become in the last 24 hours. Life could return to normal.

Normal sounded good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is moving really slowly, but I'm trying to get things set up for the more dramatic parts. 
> 
> Once again, thanks for reading. Comments/questions/concerns/ideas/thoughts are always welcome, either here or at exhibits-no-restraint on tumblr. 
> 
> Maybe I can get the next chapter done later today, since I don't have work and I think I'm easing out of writers block (for now at least).
> 
> We'll see, I guess.
> 
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	7. Chapter 7

Normal. That's what you were going for right? And what was more normal for college students on a Saturday night? A party of course. Looks like you were going to Maria's party.

You stood in front of your closet, trying to figure out what to wear. You were pretty sure it wasn't a fancy party. Maria had told you it was basically a chill session with alcohol. 

You pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a (F/C) shirt. Pulled on your favorite fuzzy socks and slid into your comfy sneakers. You grabbed a light jacket, just in case you needed to ward off the early October chill.

“Darlin’, you look gorgeous. Just like, every time I turn around, boom.” Thomas made a gesture to indicate his head exploding.

“Is that why your hair is so big?” You teased. He grinned at you as he walked over to were you stood. His hand snaked up around your neck and into his hair to pull you in for a kiss. It was just a simple brush of the lips for a brief moment.

As you broke apart, Thomas pulled you back in and began kissing you again, deepening the kiss. His tongue pressed against the crack of your lips. He nipped at your bottom lip until you laughed and let him in. His tongue reached into your mouth and explored every inch of it as if he’d never been there before. 

You stayed like that for a few minutes until he pulled away, the both of you breathing heavily. Your lips felt swollen and you didn’t need to look in the mirror behind Thomas to know that they were probably red, as well.

“Something to remember me by, while you’re out having fun,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. You smiled softly and ducked your head against his chest.

He kissed the top of your head as you started pulling away to grab your bag, throwing your wallet, keys, and phone inside.

“I don’t plan on drinking much, but I’ll call you if I need you,” you said as you made your way to the door. You turned and blew him as kiss as you left.

 

You pulled up to Maria’s apartment complex and drove around slowly, to make sure you had found the correct building. When you finally found it, you pulled into a visitor spot.You shot a quick text to Maria to let her know that you were there and were headed in.

When you got to the door, Maria had just stepped out to greet you, a drink in hand that she quickly passed to you.

“Prepare yourself. Alex and his friends just showed up.” You almost dropped your drink. Shit. What a twist of fate. You had just promised Thomas you wouldn’t see them anymore and now here they were. You hadn’t even known that they knew Maria. You looked up, realizing you had just missed whatever she had just said.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, the Schuyler sisters are here too, but seeing as they live here, that’s to be expected.” You snorted into your cup before taking a sip. You hadn’t ever hung out with Maria before and from the last minute and a half, you were kind of wishing that you had.

She led you inside and the moment you were completely through the door, you were greeted with a cacophony of of yells from Alex, John, Lafayette, and Hercules. You forced a small smiled and waved at them before sitting on the couch the furthest away from them.

You ended up sitting with some people from your classes and you quickly fell into a discussion about teachers and work. You were just mentioning what you were practicing for your upcoming performance, when Alex and his friends moved across the room to join your group. You tried to ignore them and continue chatting, but eventually John threw himself into your lap, nearly spilling your drink.

“(Y/N)! We miss you! Come talk with ussss!” He had clearly had more than a few drinks. “You weren’t just using us for homework help were you?”

You laughed and tried to slip out from underneath him, with no luck. He had firmly wedged himself on top of you. The other people laughingly excused themselves and John was quickly joined by his three best friends.

“(Y/N), don’t tell us you only wanted us for our brains and not our bodies, I just can’t take it,” Hercules joked as he pulled John out of your lap.

“Noo, I’m not using you for your brains, I can promise you that.” Alex gave a shocked gasp and clutched his chest.

“She doesn’t even want us for our brains! How shall we ever go on?” He threw his hand up to his forehead and closed his eyes, falling backwards onto the couch.

“Ouch, we’re hurt,” Laf laughed.

You started flailing your arms, trying to pull yourself out of the corner of the couch that John had squished you into. Hands firmly grasped yours and you looked up to see Hercules had dropped John onto Alex’s lap and was now assisting you. You made it to your feet and thanked him.

“Where are you goinggg?” John slurred. “We just got hereee!”

“I’m going to get another drink, I’ll be back in a minute.” And off you went. You found the bar in the kitchen and started fixing yourself another drink. 

“(Y/N)! I’m glad you could make it out tonight.” Eliza settled herself beside you and started mixing a drink of her own.

“Oh, hi, Eliza. How are you?”

“I’m pretty good. You?” She finished up and took a careful sip of her freshly made concoction. 

You fidgeted a little bit, knowing that Eliza wasn’t saying what she wanted to, she was playing the polite hostess. You weren’t sure how long that wold last, and it certainly wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have right now.

“I’m good.” The two of you lapsed into silence and you were about to leave when she spoke up.

“So how do you know the guys?” 

“Oh, I just met them yesterday. John and I have a class together. He introduced me to them at their study time and got Hercules to help me with my Stats work.” Eliza nodded in understanding.

“So… They know you date Jefferson, right?” You shook your head yes and took a large gulp out of your cup. “How’d they take that?”

“Well, Alex nearly had an aneurysm, but I’m pretty sure that’s a normal thing for him when it comes to Thomas?” Eliza choked on her drink and started laughing.  
You had moved on to other, safer, topics when Hercules came up to make drinks for him and the guys.

“Hey, E,” he said, pecking her on the cheek. “Long time, no see. Why are you two hiding in here?”

“We’re not hiding, we’re talking. We never really talk much in class. I like her,” she whispered to him conspiratorially. 

“Me too,” he whispered back. They looked back at you and laughed as you blushed furiously and hid your face behind your hands. Eliza grabbed your hands and pulled them down.

“No hiding! You came out to have fun with us and now there’s no going back!” She giggled.

“Resistance is futile, remember?” Hercules said, nudging you with his elbow. You started laughing, reminded of how Alex had basically forced you into being a little blanket burrito. You looked over to see what he was doing and laughed even harder at seeing John and Alex making out on the couch while Maria and Laf tried to pull them apart.

You pointed this out to Eliza and Hercules and they laughed. You honestly thought Herc was about to pass out right then and there.

You were still laughing when the three of you moved back out into the common space to join the others. Hercules practically sat on Alex trying to wedge himself in between the two lovebirds. 

“And you see what I had to deal with last year, rooming with these two. It was the worst!” Alex pouted and tried to climb over him to get back to John, but immediately stopped when Eliza reached over and started rubbing his head.

“This is how you distract him,” she told you. “Hell, it works on all of them.” 

You tentatively reached out and started petting John’s curly head. He also stopped trying to get back to Alex and pretty much started purring.You smiled as he leaned back into your touch.

“Hey, I thought I told you guys that none of your kinky shit was happening when you got here.”

Another girl strode up and Eliza, much to Alex’s chagrin, stood up and hugged her. She turned to you and pointed at the newcomer.

“(Y/N), this is Angelica. She’s my big sister.” Eliza squeezed her tightly.

“And a party-poooper, it seems,” Alex muttered. He looked up at Angelica, squinting at her. “We weren’t being kinky, not this time at least.”

“And not the next time either, if I have anything to say about it,” she said, poking him on his forehead. He rubbed the spot soothingly and scrunched his face at her.

“She’s just upset she doesn’t have anyone to get kinky with,” Alex told you, leaning away when Angelica swatted at him.

“Oh, pleaseee. If I wanted, I could get kinky with you. But, unfortunately for you, I have standards. They may be low, but they’re there.” Angelica shot him finger guns and all of the guys simultaneously put their hands to their chests and groaned in fake agony before dissolving into giggles.

You relaxed even more as the night continued. It was filled with more alcohol and more laughter as you eased yourself into the circle of friends. Eventually people sobered up and went home until it was just you, the guys, and the hostesses. Maria decided to set up a movie and everyone clumped together to watch it. Alex and John were cuddled in the armchair, Alex’s smaller self curled in John’s lap. Laf sat on the floor in front of the couch, having his hair played with by Eliza and Maria. Angelica sat on the arm of the couch, reading a book for class, basically ignoring everyone else. You sat by Maria with Herc on your other side. 

You excused yourself to the bathroom and decided to text Thomas to let him know you were okay. He didn’t respond so you just shrugged and put your phone away.

On your way back to the group, you realized that you had consumed more alcohol than you had thought and it showed as you wobbled your way across the room. This became even more obvious as you stumbled and pitched forward. You landed with a small ‘oomph’ on the couch and multiple bodies. Eliza, Laf, and Maria all made loud noises of protests as you connected to them. 

Hercules reached over and grabbed you, rescuing your other friends from injury, and pulled you across his lap and lodged you beside him, your legs stretched across his. You mumbled a thank you and settled in to continue watching the movie.

Soon enough, the movie ended. John and Alex had fallen asleep, still wrapped around each other. Angelica had left to go to her room, soon followed by Eliza and Maria. Lafayette had quickly taken their spot on the couch and was now snoring lightly. You fell asleep leaning on Hercules’ shoulder and that was all you knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it's taken me so long to update. Life and writer's block has me all sorts of messed up. But I hope you enjoy this chapter and wish me luck on getting the next one out in a more timely manner. I promise there will me some drama and angst in the next update. If you wanna chat, you can find me over at @exhibits-no-restraint on tumblr.  
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	8. Chapter 8

When you woke up, you were alone on the couch, tucked in like the night before at Alex’s apartment. When you sat up, you saw there was a glass of water with your name on it. And a smiley face beside a letter E. Eliza. She was definitely a sweetheart. 

You heard voices in the kitchen, so you got up, grabbed your glass, and followed the sounds. Eliza was in there talking quietly to Maria and the guys. When you entered the room, the conversation halted as everyone noticed you.

“You’re awake! Did you need some Tylenol?” Eliza bustled over and herded you into the group and had you sit on a stool after kicking Alex off of it. You shook your head no and sipped on your water.

“No hangover? You got lucky,” Laf laughed quietly, pointing at Hercules, who was practically laying out on the kitchen counter. He groaned and pulled his beanie down farther over his face. You reached over and patted his hatted head gently.

“No, I’ve never really had a problem with hangovers before. Once I got alcohol poisoning, but still no hangover, if you can believe it.”

“Alcohol poisoning? You’re barely old enough to drink, how did you manage that?” John asked. You looked at him for a minute before turning your gaze down to your water.

“I drank too much when I was upset. It’s not exactly difficult to get your hands on alcohol in college.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?” Alex spoke up from the seat he grabbed after Eliza had made him move. You kept your eyes down on your glass, only looking away for a moment as you raised it to your lips and took a sip. 

“My first year here, second semester, I believe, I got home from pep band and Thomas and I got into a fight. It was messy. He took off with James. Later that night, I got into his alcohol and drank a few bottles of vodka and that was that. I missed a week of classes.” You neglected to add in that you had locked yourself in a closet and then passed out in there. Thomas hadn’t known that’s where you were until he had to pick the lock to get to his parka. You were underage, so he couldn’t take you to the hospital, so he kept you in the bathtub until you had stopped throwing up in your unconscious state. 

Laf gave a low whistle and even Hercules was sitting up, listening to you.

“Was it anything like your fight yesterday?” Eliza asked gently. Your eyes shot to her and you could feel the blood drain out of your face. You had almost forgotten about her being there at the end of… whatever it was that had been happening. You could feel everyone looking at you.

“What fight? Are you okay?” Hercules made his first words of the morning louder than any of the groans and moans he had been making earlier. 

“It.. It wasn’t a fight. I’m fine.” You mumbled.

Eliza crossed her arms and frowned at you. “(Y/N)… You cringed when I tried to touch you.”

You crossed your arms and stared back at her. “Maybe I don’t like being touched.” You were surprised at how even you managed to keep your voice. 

“Is that why you ran to the bathroom and cried for an hour?” Your stool fell over as you shot to your feet and shoved it back. You kept your eyes locked on Eliza’s, not wanting to see anyone else staring at you. You were so focused on her that you barely noticed when the glass cup in your hand shattered. It was hardly a blip on your mental radar, already filled with loud static from the shock and upset that came with this… ambush.

When the glass broke, Eliza’s face crumpled. “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t mean to make this a confrontation. I just want you to be okay.” She reached toward you, holding a clean cloth that had been sitting on the far end of the counter. You finally looked down and saw that there were several large cuts from the glass. The blood running down your hand was mixed with the water and was leaving pink tinged drops on the floor.

Everyone jumped into action and you found yourself seated again as Hercules gently probed your cuts for glass shards while Alex held a light up for better viewing. John and  
Lafayette cleaned and disinfected the floor. Eliza rushed to a nearby cabinet and pulled out a first aid kit. Maria hovered and waited for a task.

When Hercules finished making sure there were no shards or slivers in the cuts, he took the first aid kit from Eliza and disinfected your hand before rolling on a strip of gauze. Eliza looked like she wanted to cry.

Hand cleaned and bandaged, you stood up and made your way back to the living room. You collected your things and turned to everyone else, who had followed you into the room silently.

“Thank you for inviting me over. I had fun,” you said stiffly to Maria. She looked like she wanted to cry now too. 

You walked out the door and got into your car. Your head slumped onto the steering wheel. You hated that you had ruined the morning. You should have never brought up Thomas. You knew they didn’t like him. 

A knock at your window startled you and you jumped in your seat, head shooting up. Hercules stood outside looking at you with concern. You debated ignoring him and driving off, but you finally rolled down the window.

“You left your jacket.” He held it up to the window and you reached out to take it. You mumbled a thank you and were about to close the window when he spoke again.

“Eliza’s really sorry. She hates herself for upsetting you.”

“I’m not upset. I just… I just need to go.” His face was unreadable as he stared down at you. He nodded slowly and stepped back from the car.

“We’re still friends right? You and all of us?” You stared forward unseeingly and gave a small nod. 

Hercules smiled. “Good. Now drive safe, okay?” You felt a small smile cross your face and you nodded again. He stepped back again and watched as you drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey heyyyy! Thanks for reading! Drop a comment and give me your thoughts, or hop on over to exhibits-no-restraint on Tumblr and chat with me! (:


	9. Chapter 9

It had been about a week since you had last seen everyone. You continually told everyone that you were under the weather so you didn’t want to go out. ‘Seasonal changes’ became a cold became the flu. You weren’t going anywhere.

You weren’t sick. You just couldn’t be in public right now. 

But that didn’t stop you when you were in dire need of caffeine. You wrapped up in your scarf and a jacket and slipped out the door, thankful that Thomas had decided to go to classes today.

Plus, after being inside all week, you were feeling really stifled. You couldn’t take being in the apartment a moment longer. You needed to feel air and space around you. 

You decided to walk to get coffee since it was so nice out. Your headphones went in and you cranked up the volume. It was a good day for Fall Out Boy. But then again, you mused to yourself, when wasn’t it a good day for Fall Out Boy?

As you walked, you thought. You needed to go back to class tomorrow. Your teachers had been forgiving, up to a point. But now you were behind in everything, especially in your music classes. You had two weeks until your big performance of the semester and your studio teacher was more than a little pissed that you hadn’t made it to lessons this week.

And sometime soon, you needed to apologize to Maria and Eliza and everyone for how you had acted last week. It hadn’t been fair of you to react like that. You had spent a lot of time alone this week, thinking about how you could have been better at everything. Thomas had made sure that you took time to think about your actions. And he was right, you had concluded. You shouldn’t have let people see how upset you had gotten over nothing. You overreacted, like always.

You reached the coffee shop and let yourself in. It was sweltering inside and so you slid out of your jacket when you got in line. As you got closer to the counter, you gradually turned the volume down on your music bit by bit. No sense in being completely deaf and unable to hear when your drink was ready, right?

You were just finished ordering your coffee when you felt a small tap on your shoulder. You spun around and came face to face with Alex and Lafayette. 

“(Y/N)! We thought that was you!” Alex’s face lit up.

“How are you, ma petite? We haven’t seen you in a few days. We’ve missed you!” Laf reached in for a hug which you returned. You sank into his arms, feeling a little starved for touch.

“I’m okay, just been feeling a little eh. I do think I’ll be back in classes this week, though.” You stepped out of his arms and gave the two of them a small smile.

“Do you want to join us for coffee? We’re waiting on Herc and John to get here,” Alex asked as Lafayette stepped up to order their drinks.

“Uh, I can’t stay. I’ve got homework to catch up on and music that hasn’t been touched.” Your name was called and you turned your head to look over at the barista. You were handed your drink and when you turned back around, Alex and Laf were both frowning at you.

“What?” 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Laf asked, his tone quiet and serious. Your eyes widened. 

“(Y/N), you have bruises. Bruises that you didn’t have last weekend when we saw you.” Alex’s hand came up and gently touched the bottom of your jaw. You automatically clenched it and then grimaced as a bit of pain flared up.

“It’s nothing. I… I was cleaning out my closet the other day and a box fell. Thomas has really high ceilings. You wouldn’t believe how much vertical space there is in that closet.” You brought your drink up and took a sip, wincing as it scalded your mouth. 

Alex’s face tightened but he nodded all the same. You pulled your jacket back on and tugged your scarf higher around your neck before saying goodbye to the two of them.

When you left the coffee shop, you were hit by a chilling breeze, but you barely felt it. You mainly felt the flood of shame that filled your face with heat. You hadn’t even thought about covering your bruise. You had almost completely forgotten it’s existence unless you accidentally touched it or chewed with that side of your mouth. But with your lack of appetite in the last week, it hadn’t really mattered.

Thomas would be so mad if he knew someone had seen it. 

You knew you needed to hurry home, so you did. 

When you let yourself in, you took a moment to look around. The broken table was still in the corner, awaiting trash day to move to a new home. A small stain on the wall, near the bottom, was ready to be painted over, hiding the rusty brown with a fresh coat of deep purple that Thomas was in love with. A small box sat beside the couch, full of glass shards that you had cleaned up. You really needed to load all of this stuff up and take it down to the dumpster but Thomas had forbid it. 

And you knew better than to argue with him.

You let a loud sigh fill the room, seeming to echo around the quiet and empty space. You shrugged out of your cool weather gear and headed to the little office where your school work resided. You needed to get things off your mind and the best way you knew to do that was to immerse yourself in your work. Your wrist was a little sore so you knew it’d be difficult to run to the music building and practice. 

Plus, you still weren’t up to running into Eliza or Maria or anyone else.

Thomas had set up the room as a small library that was quickly remodeled into an office space when Thomas had gotten his law internship. You had a desk in front of the wide window and you liked working there, basking in the warm natural light that filtered in.

You pulled out some of your textbooks and cracked open your laptop, pulling up emails from teachers and classmates containing notes and assignments. Time to get caught up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a quick little chapter to get something written and posted. Life has been hectic in general lately. I'm trying REALLY hard not to punch my boss in the face (and i like to think i'm a pacifist, that's how meh it is) every day at work, so I'm sure it's understandable that I haven't been able to post as much as I'd like to.   
> But enough of that. As usual, you can find me at [exhibits-no-restraint](exhibits-no-restraint.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Stop by, say hello, anything. i'm v v starved for attention and validation, like, 24/8.  
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	10. Chapter 10

You showed up in Stats on Monday and slid into your seat. If you could just drop off the face of the earth, that would be great. You hadn’t slept much last night, trying to catch up on all of your school work. 

But it was done and you were present. It might not be right and you might be half-asleep, but hey, you only have a few more weeks of classes before you could sleep in for a month.

You kept your head down as the class dragged on, thinking about heading to the music building later on. You hadn’t gotten a chance to practice last night. Thomas had come home and rescued you from the tedious homework session.

Last week had been bad but Thomas was working hard to make it up to you. He had made you breakfast in bed every day. You had barely needed to lift a finger.

Now you were just a little uneasy when you were with him. You knew you should have told him that Alex and his friends were at the party, but that had been the last thing on your mind when you got home. 

Thomas had first noticed that your hand was wrapped and expressed his concern for you. You told him the bare minimum and told him you were fine. He hadn’t believed you, but eventually let it go. He had made you breakfast that morning too.

Later, the two of you had been cuddled on the couch together, you were reading and Thomas was scrolling through his phone. You hadn’t noticed when he stiffened until he pushed you off of him and stood up.

When you sat up to ask what was wrong, he only snarled and threw his phone at you. You picked it up to see he had been browsing Facebook. You saw that you had been tagged in a picture from the night before, doing shots with Eliza and John. Alex had tried to take a selfie with your little group in the background.

“You promised me!”

Thomas had sounded so heartbroken that you had immediately started apologizing to him. When you had reached out to him, his fist had shot out, connecting with your jaw. You had fallen back, tripping over the coffee table. 

The table, unable to take the unexpected shift and weight, had collapsed underneath you. The vase that you had picked out as a gift for Thomas when the two of you had first moved in shattered on the ground as you hit the ground.

You had sat there for a moment in complete shock as Thomas started screaming. He had kicked out at you, your arms barely coming up in time to block the blow that would have connected with your face. This had pushed you back into the broken glass where you had landed, knocking your head into the wall. You had been out cold when Thomas calmed down enough to see if you were okay.

He had argued against taking you to the hospital and there wasn’t anything you could have done to change his mind. He patched up the cut on your head himself, along with the scrapes you had gotten from the glass.

The next morning he had been one thousand times more attentive to you.

The headaches had only stopped on Saturday.

Rustling sounds around you brought you back to the present and you looked up to see that class was over. You saw John approaching out of the corner of your eye and you started rushing to gather up all of your things. It wasn’t too difficult of a task because you barely set anything out when class started.

“(Y/N)!” John called as you tried to slip out the door. He caught up to you and tugged on your sleeve, pulling you to a halt. He spun you around and threw his arms around you, pulling you into a hug.

“I’ve missed you! You didn’t come to class or answer your messages. We were really worried.” You pulled out of the hug, guilt flushing your face and knotting your stomach up.

“I, uh, uhm, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to worry anyone. I just wasn’t feeling well. And then I fell and I looked and felt terrible and I-.”

John put his hands on your shoulder, grounding you as you started rambling and speaking way faster than normal. You paused and took a breath.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re not upset.” His hands came up to your face and you realized you were crying lightly. He wiped away the tears rolling down your cheeks with his thumb and smiled at you gently.

“Sorry, I usually don’t cry this much,” you sniffled. “I’m just so damned tired. I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately.”

“Well, then you’re coming with me. Buh, buh, buh, no complaining. You’re coming to relax. We’re just going to have coffee before you run off and go back to this non-stop life that’s keeping you from your sleep.” John turned you again and the two of you started walking. 

He took your backpack from you as you walked and asked you to ask in the group chat if the others wanted to meet up for coffee.

 

(Y/N): Coffee in 5? I’m wiht John

Lafayette: I’ll be there x

Alex: i’m actually already here sooooo

Hercules: Uh yeah? Just don’t let A make it :) 

Alex: wow rood

Hercules: if the shoe fits, wear it

Alex: sighhhhhhh

(Y/N): see you in a bit then


	11. Chapter 11

“Okay, spill. You’ve been out for a week. What’s the deal?” You had barely gotten into your seat at the table before Alex was bombarding you with questions.

“Alex, let her breathe for a moment. Chill.” John laid a hand on his shoulder and frowned at him.

“No. It’s okay. I’ve been sick. And then, I, uh, messed my face up when I fell and I didn’t feel like being out and about.” You glanced down at your drink, missing the look that was exchanged between Alex and Lafayette.

“Mon ami… You told us you dropped a box on yourself…” Laf spoke up gently.

Your head shot up and you stared at them, trying to hide the range of emotions running through you.

“Well, I dropped the box and that made me fall…” You trailed off, painfully aware of how flimsy that was as an explanation.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to,” John said softly. You nodded and took a small sip of the coffee you had just gotten. You realized you hadn’t heard anything from Hercules and looked up to see him staring off into space, lips pursed and a small frown wrinkling his forehead.

He was probably mad at you, you realized. He probably knew everything that had happened and was so mad that you were so weak. They probably all knew. Knew and hated you for it. Probably pitied you. Probably didn’t even want to hang out with you.

Maybe they were in this with Thomas, to give him a reason to get mad at you. But why? So he could break up with you? Why not just break up with you then? Why play all of these games with you?

You saw a movement out of the corner of your eye and jumped, spilling your coffee across the table. Alex gave a small shriek as he tried to clear his papers and computer off of the table before the offending hot liquid made its way to him.

John had frozen in the middle of reaching into his bag, the slight movement the one that had freaked you out. Laf and Hercules just stared at you, worry written across their faces.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry, oh my goodness, sorry!” You stood hurriedly and grabbed a handful of napkins and began to mop up the mess you had made. Hercules helped as well, although he made sure you had plenty of space to move.

When you were finished and Alex had carefully checked the table to make sure it was safe to put his stuff back, you sat back down and stared at your now empty coffee cup.

“I’m really sorry about that,” you mumbled, hating the way your voice broke and the feeling of being on the verge of tears again. When the hell would you stop crying?

“(Y/N), look, it’s okay. Shit happens, okay? Nothing got damaged. Except Alex’s pride, I mean did you hear his little scream? Reminded me of when I chased my little sister with a mouse when we were super little.” Hercules gave a small laugh and flipped Alex off as he stuck his tongue out across the table.

You gave a little laugh and with that, the tension was broken and the previous conversation was forgotten. John went to get you a new cup of coffee and Hercules asked about how you were doing in stats. Everything seemed to be okay, your poisonous thoughts of earlier slipping into the background of your mind.

“So, fall break is coming up, what are we doing?” John asked at one point, leaning on Alex’s shoulder with his feet on the side of Laf’s chair.

“One of the clubs on campus is having a haunted house,” Hercules mentioned. Your eyes got wide and he laughed a little as he noticed.

“Don’t like haunted houses?” He smiled teasingly and you smiled in return as you noticed the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed.

“I’ve never been very good with scary things. Or even not-so-scary things, like John getting into his backpack.” Everyone laughed and you shrugged sheepishly.

“Well, we will keep you safe and sound. No need to worry about the things that go bump in the night.” Hercules nudged you with his foot and smiled at you again.

“The pumpkin patch opens this weekend! We should definitely go!” Alex said excitedly, looking up from his computer.

“You mean you plan on taking a break from all of your non-stop schoolwork to spend time with your adoring fans and more adorable boyfriend? I’m swooning!” John laid his hands over his chest and fluttered his eyes,

“I plan on making candy at some point. Maybe… something with caramel apples or candy corn? I’m going to look at Pinterest later.” Lafayette looked up from his notebook and tapped his lip with his pen.

“You’re welcome to come over and do it here,” Alex piped in, eyes wide in childlike delight at the thought of delicious treats within close reach. John elbowed him and then giggled before placing a small, sweet kiss on Alex’s cheek.

Your insides turned a little chilly and you had to force yourself to keep a cheery smile on your face. You couldn’t remember the last time Thomas had been so casual in his affection for you. Lately, there had been a lot of it, but you knew that was mainly out of guilt. You pulled yourself out of that train of thought and returned your attention to the conversation, remembering that the last time your thoughts drifted, you spilled your coffee everywhere.

“So what are you doing, (Y/N)?” Alex asked you, wrapping an arm casually around John.

“Uhm, well. Thomas is going home to Virginia for a few days, and I didn’t really feel up to traveling so I’ll probably finish catching up on work and practicing. My concert is the week classes start up again, so I need to be ready. And my friend Sally may come up to visit me.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and propped your head on your hands. Hercules sat forward as well, sipping his own tea.

“And of course, you’re going to make time in _your_ own busy schedule to come hang with _your_ adoring fans?” Hercules said to you, leaning in conspiratorially.

You shrugged in response and cocked your head to the side. “It’s possible. I may have a few minutes here and there,” you said teasingly. “I’ll have to check my calendar, so we’ll see.”

“Well, I hope you have even a little free time to grace us with your presence.”

You shrugged and finished the last bit of coffee in front of you. You excused yourself to get a refill and stepped away, not noticing the silent teasing going on behind you at Herc’s expense. When you got back, things had subsided and returned to normal, but you were still noticed a darker tint to his cheeks.

Conversation continued to flow for another hour or so until you decided it was time to head out. You needed groceries at the apartment and Thomas never shopped for regular food, just his fancy things. Plus, you thought it would make a good story for why you were home so late. Sad, but true.

As you stood to leave, everyone else rose as well and you were passed around the table for goodbye hugs. When you got to John, you thanked him for making you feel better about life in general. Before you got out the door, you had already promised to meet the four of them for coffee tomorrow around lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey! Long time, no post. My typing fingers were getting a little itchy, so I knew it was time to pull out the ol' word document. Hopefully, let's keep our fingers crossed, that we'll be seeing a few new chapters pretty soon? I've got a few pretty good ideas.  
> So, if you're interested in chatting or loving on me or politely chiding me over how long I've been away, you can find me over at [exhibits-no-restraint](exhibits-no-restraint.tumblr.com) on tumblr. <3  
> xoxo  
> Samantha


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, bitches. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This is a very dark chapter. CW: rape, suicidal thoughts, abuse - physical and emotional.

“Babe, I’m leaving! Come say goodbye,” Thomas’s voice floated across the apartment to you. Your head popped up from the music you had been studying, headphones half on.

“I thought you were leaving tomorrow, though? Why now?” You padded across the floor, sock-clad feet barely making a sound on the wood.

“I changed my mind. Is that going to be a problem?” Your gazed dropped to the floor as you quickly shook your head. His hand shot out and caught your wrist, squeezing tightly as he pulled you towards him. You grimaced in pain, but hid it the best you could from Thomas’s keen eyes.

“N-no… I was going to get up early to make breakfast, but if you won’t be here, I’ll just work on my music. I’ll go practice early.” Thomas’s eyes softened as he gazed down at you, a soft smile gracing his face.

“Your concert is next week, right?” You nodded. “Well, I’ll be sure to prepare something doubly special for you, to celebrate what is sure to be a wonderful solo.” He reached out and brushed a a few stray strands of hair out of your face, ending with a light caress of your cheek.

You leaned into his warm touch and closed your eyes, savoring the gentle love that Thomas showed you. Even when things got bad, moments like this made things seem so much better.

“I’d love that,” you whispered softly, looking up at Thomas. You placed your own hand on top of his, basking in the happy feelings bubbling up inside you.

He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on your lips. When he pulled away, you desperately reached for his collar and pulled him down again. You wanted this to last longer. Once he left, you’d be alone. Just you and your thoughts.

“Careful, hun,” he murmured against your lips, “if you keep this up, I might just stay here and keep you at home with me for the entire break.”

“That wouldn’t be so bad, right?” You smiled impishly at him and kissed him again quickly. Thomas laughed and stood up straight. You followed and wrapped your arms around his middle and laid your head against his chest. His arms came up around your shoulders, completing the hug.

“If I do that, you won’t get any practice. And you need all the practice you can get if you’re not going to embarrass me. Or yourself,” he added, almost as an afterthought.

You stiffened, but he never noticed, letting you go and turning to grab his bag from beside the door. He leaned down and froze, slowly coming up and turning to look at you, a frown marring his face, eyes going cold.

The happy fluttering from before turned into something else. Something darker. A foreboding.

“Thomas?”

“Although, if I do stay, that will for sure keep you from bumping into Hamilton and his merry band of idiots, correct?”

Cold fear lanced through your stomach, making it churn. A dark look of hatred flitted across Thomas’s face as you stared at him in confusion. Where was this coming from? Why now? Had he heard about them inviting you out over the break? Did he know?

“Thomas!” You cried out as he grabbed you by the wrists again, giving a fast spin and slamming you up against the door with a muffled thud.

His eyes flickered dangerously.

“Would it?” He asked quietly, his voice low, a bass sound that you hadn’t heard before from him.

Pain radiated through your body, making it difficult to think. But you knew that Thomas was saying something of importance to you.

If you had learned anything from his bad moods, you knew he was expecting and answer, and expecting it now.

“Yes! Yes, Thomas!” You nodded fervently, the motion making your head pound.

You let out a whoosh of air and he suddenly released you. You might have fallen to the floor if he didn’t still have a firm hold on your wrists.

“Good girl. Good answer,” he muttered as he started pulling you through the apartment.

Your confusion grew as he led you into the bedroom and shoved you in ahead of him.

“T-thomas? I, I thought you had to leave…?”You didn’t want to question him while he was like this, but the words just kind of slipped out.

“Oh, don’t worry, I am. I just wanted to do something. Something that will keep me on your mind and in your heart for the long lonely week ahead of you.” You turned around at that and saw him pulling his shirt over his head. “I’m not leaving without this.”

He looked up as his hands went to his pants and he started pulling them off.

“What are you doing, standing there like an idiot? Strip.”

“I d-don’t w-” You didn’t get anymore out. Thomas was on you in seconds. He pushed you back onto the bed and started tugging at your shorts.

When you realized what he was doing, you flew into a panic. You started bucking uncontrollably, trying to get away from this. After you had slapped his hand away several times, Thomas grew angry.

He pushed you back one more time and rose off of you, walking away. You let out a small sigh, sobs catching in your throat, hoping he had decided to just leave you like this.

That relief was short-lived as he returned to your side, holding the curtain tie-back from the living room.

Your breathing stopped and then you burst into action, scrambling blindly away across the bed. With every step Thomas took toward you, his face grew darker and darker.

Just as you thought you were out of reach, free to make a run for the door, his hand shot out and clutched your ankle. Thomas let out a small growl and yanked. You slid across the bed toward him.

Thomas crawled over you and straddled your waist, keeping you immobilized. When you reached out to push him, hit him, anything, he caught your wrists, one after the other, in one of his fists. He leaned up, pushing into your chest and keeping much-needed oxygen out of your grasp, he pulled your arms above your head.

He threaded the tie though the metal railings at the head of the bed and around your wrists. He pulled it tight enough that you knew that it was going to leave some nasty marks.

Satisfied, Thomas leaned back and stared down at you. His hands dropped down to your face and you flinched away. He chuckled lightly as his fingers traced the lines of tears silently coursing down your face. Until that moment, you hadn’t even realized you were crying.

“I think I quite like you like this. The tears, the fight you put up, only to inevitably lose. You even have the most delicious look of fear in your eyes. I didn’t think you be this much fun, playing hard to get.”

His hands left your face, trailing down your throat, over the fluttering pulse, before continuing on. He followed your curves all the way to your waist. When he reached the elastic band of your shorts, he gently hooked his fingers underneath.

“P-please, Tommy! Don’t, please don’t do this! Please! I’ll do anything you want.” Your voice cracked as your fear spiked and threatened to overwhelm you.

“Darlin’. Here’s the thing. This is my home. These are my things, all of them. Everything here is mine to do with as I please. That includes you.”

With that, he raised up enough to pull your shorts down around your knees.

“You.”

He thrust a finger inside you, deep. You bucked against him, your body fighting this painful intrusion.

“Belong.”

He pushed into you again, adding a few more fingers this time. You writhed, wishing it would be over. He pulled out, wiping his hand on your shirt before reaching for his pants.

“To.”

When he lifted up, you started to struggle again, trying anything to get away, momentarily forgetting that your hands were still tied.

At this point, you were just hoping that he’d go straight to angry and just start hitting you. You could live with that. You had before. You could do it again. And again. As long as he didn’t…

Unfortunately for you, he slammed you back on the bed, hard enough to leave bruises with his fingers on the delicate skin above your hips.

Thomas flipped you over in the bed, your stomach landing hard and threatening to expel everything you’d eaten today. He spread your legs and rubbed himself against you.

“ _ _Me__.”

That was when he entered you, pain flaring from within, sharp and hot.

You closed your eyes and shoved your face into the pillow, hot and wet with your tears. You wished you had enough strength and leverage to smother yourself in the pillows.

Thomas grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled, bowing your back until your cried in pain. He ignored your cries for Tommy.

You let yourself fall into the pain, spiraling down to a dark, quiet pplace, simply wishing for the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Such a long hiatus, and this is what you get? I'm the worst. I'm sorry.


End file.
